One Friday night, the Lord asked me a hard question. He brought to my mind someone who had hurt me and betrayed me--someone I would have preferred to keep out of my mind forever, if at all possible. As I recalled this person, the Lord asked me: "What do you want for this person?" I had no response.
"Lord, why are you asking me this? I don't want to discuss this right now. Really?! Ugh, I don't know how to answer this? Why?! Why do you want to discuss this now?!" . . .This was my response and reaction. I was annoyed by the question mainly because it made me feel vulnerable and was leading me to recall a painful situation. After a few minutes of prayerful bickering (yes, that's a thing; God talks to us like friends), I finally caved in and answered God truthfully, "May they burn in hell for all eternity."
Although, it was helpful to know my true feelings (after suppressing them for so long in a vain effort to be religious), I honestly didn't feel much better. I simply felt honest.
God and I talked a little bit more, then, Holy Spirit prompted me to do a word study on "Forgive." I went to etymonline.com to try and understand the original meaning of "forgive." The break down of the word is pretty simple, but the revelation was profound.
The prefix "for-" can mean "away, against or opposition," while the word "give" has the same meaning today as it has always had, "to transfer or allow possession of." One could say for-give is to oppose a gift or be against receiving a gift.
Now, imagine a person who has hurt you comes to present you with an abundance of gifts in order to pay you back for all the damages he/she caused and the pain inflicted upon you. This person comes to you to pay you back and settle a debt. But, instead of accepting the gift(s), you actually motion your hand to wave the gift away; you shake your head and say, "No gift is needed. The debt is settled". . . That's right! You say, "No gift is needed. The debt is settled." WHOW!
CAN YOU IMAGINE? Perhaps you have spent years in therapy because of someone's wicked behavior, lost close relationships or lost a job, or even spent days in a hospital because of someone's poor decisions or mistakes . . . But, instead of making the wrongdoer(s) pay you back for the damages, you wave your hand, shake your head and say, "Your gift is unnecessary. The debt is settled."
This may seem unbelievable and impossible. I mean, who would do such a thing? If the injurer pays you back for damages, it only seems logical to take that payment. Well, as followers of Christ, we are called to be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved [us] and gave Himself up for us. . .(Ephesians 5:1-2). God does not want us hanging a payment over anyone's head because He does not hang our debts over our heads. We do not deserve to be for-given our debts. Our sins (big or small) deserve eternal damnation in Hell, but God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). Jesus waved His hand, shook His head and said our gifts were no longer needed. The debt was settled. Jesus was the payment. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world (1 John 2:2). For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23). This is why God calls us to for-give because He for-gave us. And Jesus warned us, saying that [i]f you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15).
I want to clarify what I thought forgiveness was before. My erroneous interpretation of forgiveness was "to surrender" the problem and the person to God. I would pray, "Lord I give this painful situation to You. I will no longer worry about this person or this situation. I will allow this person to answer to You alone. I bless them, and I will let You deal with (aka punish) them." I would pray this while the verse, "Vengeance is Mine, says the Lord" was running in the back of my mind (Deuteronomy 32:35,Romans 12:17-19). Truthfully, I was seething and wanted them to suffer and answer to God in hopes that they would incur a more severe punishment from God. I concluded that God's punishment would far outweigh any punishment I could levy, so I "surrendered" the pain and the injurer to God. Little did I know that I had not truly forgiven them. In actuality, I was simply transferring their debt from one account to another---from my account to God's account. I was not freeing them from debt; I was only making them commit payment to God instead of me. That is not for-giving a debt. That is not for-giveness.
God, through His Holy Spirit, opened my eyes via this word study, that I have to say in my heart that no repayment is needed, that the debt is settled and they owe me nothing.
What a revelation! Believe it or not, it was quite liberating to know what it meant to for-give. I, for the first, was truly able to for-give those who hurt me and betrayed me. I didn't have to wonder any longer how God would exact justice or inflict punishment
on the wrongdoers. I no longer felt like a maniacal creditor, mentally and emotionally calculating payments for debts and when they should be paid.
Y'know, being a debt collector is rather exhausting, time consuming and life-sucking. It leaves you running on a treadmill, going nowhere really hard and really fast. Before you
know it, time has passed, your life is spent, and the debt remains
unsettled.
What. A. Waste.
Don't be a slave to pain, bitterness and unforgiveness. Let it go! You're life is worth more than that. Get on with your life. No payment could ever match your value, so it's best to release wrongdoers from their debt and focus on more important things.
Anyway, we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28). So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today (Matthew 6:34). Don't worry about the outcome of the wrongdoers or even your outcome . . "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). The Lord will perfect that wihch concerns you (Psalm 138:8). Let go and Live!
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If
you're not sure if God has forgiven you of your sins, simply pray: "Jesus be my
Lord and Savior. I want to be part of your family. I am sinner, but you
died and resurrected to give me a new life. Forgive me of my sins. I want to be born again. Through Your blood, make me a child
of God and follower of Jesus Christ. Amen." (based on Romans 10:9-10)